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22

Jun

Yes Please.

Yes Please.

UH This Gay World!

Question: What happened on your last date?

TAKE IT EASY BOBBY

What happens when a guy starts dating another guy on a regular basis? Things usually seem so perfect in the beginning and suddenly BAM! one breaks up with another with just two weeks in. The heartbroken one never knows what hit him and the explanations he receives are not even comprehensible at all, it actually sounds like excuses and both end up with guilt and shame on their respective sides. The hidden reasons are there for the heartbroken one to see right in front of him —he just has to figure them out. There are plenty of requirements needed to keep a relationship going because there is a harmony that has to exist between the two to make it happen.

First, both have to really be honest with each other and say what each other expect from the relationship they are about to begin, secondly and more importantly the pace they want to apply. Intensity can be a deal breaker when it comes to new relationships because most people want to take it slow, but it is difficult to take it slow with new-born emotions that are very intense at the start. It seems the heart becomes the brain and the brain just takes a quick vacation to insanity.

Most boys that break up after two weeks will tell you the same thing:

Guy #1: He was just suffocating me with the phone calls everyday and the stupid questions he would ask every 3 hours: “What are you doing now?” I’ve been at work since 7am and it’s only 11am WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I’M DOING?!

Guy #2: I really liked him but he was just too emotionally available, he would always send me texts like: “My life started the day that I met you” or “Don’t ever leave me baby” *insert stupid voice* —I’m just not ready for that yet, I mean we have JUST started.

It is a fact that the strength of the feelings are different between two persons, one will always be more emotionally involved than the other and that person is destined to suffer for it. It takes time, months actually to level with each other and create a pace that is good for both; to create that pace it will be necessary to have a very honest face to face conversation of the do’s and don’ts, the things that are likeable and the things that need to be avoided. Once that discussion has been done the relationship can start with a right foot and slowly grow up to be a super strong one.

However, there is another side to this: If one person is confused and don’t really want to be with the other exclusively the dating will go down and die so fast that the heartbroken one won’t be able to formulate something to say before it is over. In that case: call your friends, smoke a joint, work out, go party or just cry in your room; whatever you need to get the poison out and move on as fast as you can.

Maybe next time the same mistakes won’t be committed..

And so it begins…

TAKE IT EASY BOBBY

Jason Vangoldin is a 34-year-old biochemistry engineer that has everything he needs and almost everything he wants, except for that stable relationship he has always wanted. He goes out dating regularly but the romance between him and his aspirants usually fizzle out after the 2nd or 3rd date. The best ones he has had lasted 2 or 3 weeks and suddenly died like a heroine junkie. The reasons were many and none at the same time, the candidates he stopped calling were not smart, handsome, eloquent, fun, different, charming, funny, chilled or good enough at sex as he wanted and the ones who stopped calling him thought exactly the same thing ironically, plus he was too strong on the cellphone.

He didn’t know why things could go from amazing to disappointing in such a short period of time, being a man of science he always used logic to explain things but this is not one of the things you apply logic to. He started to see that dating was a circus, a mixture of everything and nothing, a nonsense people like to make themselves go through to luckily find the one… eventually. He started to get hopeless until one day he decided to go to the mall for some well deserved shopping spree, he was walking in Armani Exchange when he locked eyes with a beautiful stranger.

They stared at each other while pretending to be browsing around for something they liked, well… they had already found it and it was not something they could wear, although they were going to try. Jason saw the beautiful 24-year-old guy walking out of the store and rushed after him as he was stepping outside the store and said to him:

Jason: I don’t usually do this and it feels very awkward but…. my name is Jason and I would like to invite you a drink someday if you’d like…( He was so nervous that he thought he might faint at any moment plus he calculated that his chances were slim due to the kind of situation the invitation was wrapped in)

Dante: Pleasure to meet you Jason, my name is Dante and I don’t usually do this either but yes I would like to have a drink with you one day…( He scanned him better up close and since they were going to meet at a public place he thought no harm could be done plus Jason was very handsome)

Jason and Dante exchanged numbers and a few days later Jason made the call and they decided to meet at a hipster lounge called Electric Rose. Both got there on time and between the laughs and the drinks the time flew by and before they knew it they were making out in Jason’s car. Later Dante went back to his car and Jason went home certain that he would see Dante again — and so he did. The first week was precious and the sex was almost porn like, everything just seemed too perfect.

Jason was falling quickly for Dante and he was sure they were going to spend a good amount of time together if not forever — well let’s just say Dante did not feel the same way. You see, Dante still had other candidates and he did not want to settle down at the moment, he had just broken up with a boyfriend a few months back and was enjoying his single life while analyzing what went wrong in the last relationship (which is the healthiest approach one can have after a break-up), every time he received a text from Jason he would think “Wow! take it easy, Bobby”.

The days went by and Jason started to feel Dante’s cold shoulder, specially when the young boy cancelled his dates with him or wouldn’t respond to Jason’s texts for hours and even days. Poor Jason did not see this one coming but he still kept trying, so much that at one point Jason became a little “stalkish” following Dante to work one day. Jason continued his hunting until Dante got out of work and went to meet with a hunky stranger at a coffee place two blocks down. Jason lost it, he got out of his car and went directly to them, he proceeded to make a scene — it was more of a series of violent yelling and arm swinging that ended in a security guy pulling him away and threatening to call the cops if he didn’t get back into his car and away from that place.

Jason had just reached a new low and could not understand what was happening. Naturally Dante never explained his terms to him and he did not tell Dante that being monogamous was a definite requirement he wanted when it came to dating. It took him some time and a few drinks+blunts before he got back on track but he did nonetheless, this time determined not to make the same mistake again, this time he promised he would take it easy, like Bobby.

The Virgin and the Dick Part II

Scared and thrilled at the same time he opened the door and as expected Dick was standing right outside. He signaled Jean Pierre to come outside and the twink boy obeyed, they walked over to the living room where Dick spoke to him for the first time without being so dismissive. He asked Jean Pierre if he wanted to watch a movie and to this the boy just nodded nervously, but he could feel his insides melting at higher temperatures than an active volcano — he knew exactly what Dick wanted by just looking into his eyes. They both sat at both ends of the white silky Francois Bauchet sofa, the stud with every inch of his muscles flexing, anxious to jump on that pretty boy and rip his expensive clothes to shreds. Jean Pierre on the other side as nervous as someone who is about to hear ( or in this case “feel” ) huge news, he would occasionally look at Dick acting as if the stud was going to attack him, when suddenly Dick spoke:

Dick: This movie sucks ass.. and not the good kind…

Jean Pierre: (Nervously) —maybe if you changed the channel we’ll find something better.

Now, Jean Pierre knew what he was doing, but what he didn’t know was where he got the balls to make that move. Dick changed the channel and kept changing them until BAM! there it was, that channel your parents block when you’re eight. Both stared at it for a while, feeling their respective organs awakening from a limp state to a rock hard-on. When Dick suddenly said:

Dick: Jean can you get a little bit closer? I want to show you something.

Jean Pierre gets closer with a million images of all the bad things he could do to Dick, or at least the ones he had heard people did. Dick takes Jean Pierre’s hand and places right on top of that massive erected one-eyed monster and the boy’s body shivers. Dick starts kissing him and slowly but surely both make it happen. Dick’s face is something Jean Pierre will never forget, the mixture of agony and pleasure is something people remember for life, specially under those circum-stances.

Dick expected Jean Pierre to just act like it never happened, but never even bothered to let him know that is exactly the way things go with guys like him. Jean Pierre was pretty much confused and didn’t know how to react to this, his logic told him that Dick was at least Kinsey 4 gay but his eyes were witnessing a guy travel from one side of the sexual orientation scale to the other in 0.2 seconds. He realized right there that fairytales are only about heterosexuals couples where most men like to pretend and girls like to believe, but in Gay World those stories of love he used to read had an unexpected alternative ending.

The little girl’s parents arrived from their trip and Jean Pierre was more than ready to leave at that point, he went home and went to bed with a different perspective on everything he seemed to have his hopes for, but not in a bad way just in a much different way. The next morning he woke up and went shopping with his friends and told them all about it, only to find their stories were even morefucking insane out there than his, and then his best friend told him as if it was the introducing speech for a over the top circus show:

BF: Welcome to Gay World, where reality will exceed your fantasies or kill them on the spot.

…And in the name of everything that is Dior was that boy RIGHT!

The Virgin and the Dick Part I

In the gay world there are plenty types of men one can encounter and there’s a special breed that pretends they are not part of the world just mentioned. They are straight acting, straight looking and straight thinkers but queer nonetheless; they are convinced they are not gay and will never assume a position where their “straightness” is compromised —even though they are as straight as a curl. The almost-pressure applied on their gay victims to have sex with them is persistent and they constantly remind their victims that they are the homosexual ones because they are the ones who take “it” in the derrière, and by “it” I mean “dick” and by “dick” I mean a “straight dick” —- and boy is that straight throughout the whole process!

They meet a guy who they know is gay for sure and lure the poor butterfly into having amazing primitive sex with him ( in some cases they refuse to involve kissing just to get their point across about how manly they are… absurd right? ). After the sex is done they usually go back to being the “dude” they were before engaging in the homosexual act they have just performed —in other words, they act as if nothing happened. The sad thing is those “manly men” usually trick girls into becoming their girlfriends so nobody can suspect their hidden reality which is a foul move on their part. Their denial is proportional to their inner personality issues, sometimes they can even get extremely aggressive when confronted about it.

It would seem like with all these problems they carry a gay man would be wise to get as far as his fabulous legs can take him, but these guys are emotional/psychological pythons who will strangle their prey mentally and won’t let them get away easily. On the bright side, the majority of them are very faithful due to the fact that it would be incredibly idiotic to spread their desires around, obviously because one gay guy admitting he had sex with the “stud” can be taken as a liar but two gay guys or more are just a crowd and the façade would end right on the G-spot.

This type of gay ..I mean guy is dangerous unless you know how to play their game, and then there would be only one question for him to answer: Who’s the bitch now?

And so it begins…

#3 The Caesar: He is every woman’s man and every man’s woman and all the combinations you can make with that ;).

THE VIRGIN AND THE DICK: PART I

Jean Pierre is a 14-year-old boy who can recognize the label of a dress by just looking at it from far but cannot recognize any type of car in the highway. He is very cute and soft looking, almost androgynous enough to make you stop and stare of how “pretty” the boy is even though he wears men’s clothing. His family has money and a lot of it, the material things in his life are very expensive as his manners are like a lady’s. He has not openly said he is gay because he thinks is too obvious to be worth the mentioning, plus it is something he is not ashamed of AT ALL.

His life is charmed and even though the love part of it has not even been started he is a very happy boy. Sex is something that has become an urge but it is still not in his plans at that moment, he prefers true love over sex and fantasizes about how immaculate his first time will be. The man he chooses shall love him eternally and so will he respond; meanwhile he goes to a rich private school filled with boys of all kind but none suitable for his expectations, none spark that special feeling he is waiting to feel at the moment his prince in shining armour rises from the crowd.

One day he is asked to babysit a young girl who lives in the mansion next to his because the nanny that usually took care of her had an emergency she needed to attend to and Jean Pierre was such a good boy and so well liked by the little girl (who played with him sometimes on Sundays) that the parents had trusted him to do that small favour —- and after all, it was only for one night. He accepts the request and plans a whole evening of games to keep the little girl happy and entertained until her parents get home.

The day came and Jean Pierre came to the house with board games and candy but instead of just encountering the little girl with her parents an unexpected visitor was also going to be around that night, an 18-year-old cousin named Dick. He was very tall and buff, his muscles so big and perfectly defined that Jean Pierre got nervous on the spot. Dick was supposed to go out that night as well with friends he had met a few summers back in that city and he proceeded to get ready to go out while the little girl’s parents were saying their goodbyes for the night.

Later he came down and told Jean Pierre the plans with his friends had been cancelled and that he was going to watch a movie in the living room while Jean Pierre played with his little cousin. At 11 pm the girl was exhausted and ready to go to bed and so she did, Jean Pierre tucked her in and waited for her to fall asleep when suddenly there was a gentle knock on the door that made Jean Pierre jump a little and loose composure, because even then his intuition told him that something BIG was going to happen to him that night…

Stay Tuned —the fun has just begun…. ;)

08

Jun

No hate, LOVE does not have a gender preference! *NOH8!

No hate, LOVE does not have a gender preference! *NOH8!

06

Jun

Audric & the Sour Daddy Part II

Audric goes swiftly through the list looking at all the names— and THE PICTURES!! these boys were so young, almost too young to be legal… and there were so many!. Audric was partly shocked but mostly creeped the fuck out. He immediately confronts Le Senior about it:

Audric: Your skype… What the fuck is that about?

Le Senior: Oh that? that’s just some people I know, you know, friends and family.

Audric: Really? so it’s safe for me to assume that the 18 year-old kid who sent you a picture of his dick with the word “Daddy” written on it is your son right? or is he just one of your many “friends”?

Le Senior: Are you being sarcastic?

Audric: I don’t know… are you a pedophile? you’re 41! most of the boys in your “contact list” are barely 18.. if you have a sexual issue I think we should discuss it now.. because I get that you might like young people but these are babies -with incredibly good penis sizes.

Le Senior: Well, I used to have fun before I met you baby.. you can’t be mad about that.

Audric: Your last conversation with him was 3 days ago… and please don’t call me “baby” anymore, it sounds creepy coming from you -.-

Le Senior: Well…                                                     Yeah…

Audric: -.= are you seeing any of them?

Le Senior: No! of course not!

Audric: Well according to teenwolf19 you were a lot of fun last week at the movies.

Le Senior: Are we still going to the movies?

Audric: ——fuck. O.o  …ok but only because I really want to see - insert title of the movie- …after that take me home because I have work at 10.

Obviously Audric did not call him or answered any of Le Senior’s phone calls and eventually the guy took the hint and stopped trying, with such a huge range of options I’m pretty sure this didn’t shake his spirits, after all he had a complete catalog to choose from. Audric on the other hand could not stop thinking about what happened, he was not even mad he was just completely shocked, the truth had hit him like a tsunami wave : A significantly amount of men do not grow up, they just learn how to lie and hide things better.

At the end, it does not really matter the age, race, religion or personality of the guy a person falls in love with, what matters is to actually know what each other really want out of a relationship, whether it’s a committed relationship or just drunken chaotic sex that will make neighbors complain the next day. Once the people involved know they want the same thing everything falls into place, if they do not want the same thing there is no use in trying to make it work…because it won’t…ever.

Honesty will save you a lot of useless bullshit.

Cheated tells cheater…

Cheated tells cheater…

Ha!

Ha!